April 19, 2007

~ Randomly...

I really felt like puking at the questionnaire I was editing today. It's crap. The questionnaire was. It's taken my boss and I a few days (actually, truth be told, he did most of the editing) to vet through and change and rechange the q're. Totally disgusting. Emman taught me a new word to describe my state of 'affection' for my work - 'bangsat'. Absolutely. We were practically doing the work for them!

Anyway, I neglected to amend something that my boss told me to. So, when he saw that I hadn't corrected it, he half-jokingly said I'm bo sim. I apologised, of course. It's my fault and I will admit my fault. But, he then asked if I've any problem outside work (cos I must have looked superbly sian today). And he sounded really sincere about it. I told him 'nope' as I quickly headed out of his office. Honestly, I felt bad for neglecting to do that amendment, and worse when he asked "Are you serious?" when I replied my "nope".

My problem outside work is that I have a problem that is not likely to be solved in the next 3 years; is that I feel disconnected with people (including some of my good friends); is that I think I need to get new anti-depressants; is that I cry so fucking easily these days; is that I'm so tired of thinking and feeling for anything, anyone.

My possible cures? Reading Jonathan Coe now... listening to Ryan Adams... and blogging. I need to write a letter soon. And have some very long and elaborate dreams.

xxx

My sister called me this evening. While I was waiting for my boss to vet through the crappy questionnaire for the nth time.

She thought I was on my way home. And she said she's at the void deck of our flat, with my parents and Hugo and Sydney. She said they were waiting for me.

Moments like this, I hate the fact that I can't leave work on time.

xxx

Today, I used 'fuck' many, many times.

It's quite shiok.

xxx

And today, I learnt for certain people, no matter what they ask you, all they want to hear is a positive reply. It just makes them feel better because they wouldn't know what to say if you ever give them a less than positive or less politically correct reply.

Example?

big boss: So, how's work?
me: (contemplated if I should be honest or just say 'ok') Well, it's been a lot. Getting a bit of a headache (which was true, cos I have been staring at the computer for 8 hours by then).
big boss: aiyoh, why would you have headache? It's not a lot of work right...
me: (decided to be less honest then) didn't sleep well these few days, slept late (true too).
big boss: Who asked you to sleep late? Sleep early lah. What do you do at night?
me: (beginning to feel indignant) Do my own stuff lah! I have my own things to do after work you know... (and work has been ending at 10pm since last Wed cos of all the focus group sessions...)
big boss: Who asked you to do? Sleep early lah...
me: (knowing the conversation is going nowhere) Ok, never mind. fei hua shao shuo. What were you looking for me for?

The correct answer to such people asking you such question is, simply, "OK".

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:10